


(Hold Me) Through the Night

by Schizzar



Category: Marvel, Marvel Avengers Movies Universe, The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Arc Reactor Kink, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, PTSD, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-02
Updated: 2012-08-02
Packaged: 2017-11-09 00:05:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/449042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Schizzar/pseuds/Schizzar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everyone has nightmares, Tony's just like to plague him on a regular basis. Steve wants to help, but Tony has never been one for talking. At least not about things that matter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I just wanted to try a different spin on the arc reactor kink, which is hinted at in this chapter, and will be explored further in the next chapter.

Tony stared up at the ceiling, debating whether or not to go out to the living room and drink until he passed out. That was usually the solution for nights like this, when he dreamed of Obadiah ripping out the reactor, that last final tug as the magnet left his body. It made his chest throb even though he knew it was fine, that there was nothing wrong with it. Well, there was still a ton of shrapnel trying to dig its way to his heart but at least he knew that it wouldn't succeed while the arc reactor was in place.

But the dreams? They just liked to remind him that all it would take was to be held down, paralyzed, and with a flick of a wrist it could be removed.

Tony pulled himself out of bed, stumbling across the room and out the door. Jarvis had thoughtfully brought the lights up to ten percent so he wasn't walking around completely in the dark, though he probably would've been fine doing just that. He stopped, leaning against the bar, when he saw a shadowed form huddled on the couch.

"Tony?" Steve stood from where he sat, his voice uncertain.

"What are you doing up?" Tony asked, slinking behind the bar and mixing together a quick drink that was mostly vodka. Okay all vodka. With no mixing involved. "Don't you need beauty rest or something?"  
Steve frowned and sat back down on the couch so his back was to Tony. "I was thinking." He turned and gave Tony and odd look. "Why have alcohol so late?"

Tony knocked the drink back, then refilled and sucked that down too. "Trying not to think. I find it keeps me up. I'd offer a drink but-"

"Can't get drunk," Steve said, a soft smile on his lips.

"It is my specialty though. Vodka mixed with broken dreams and angst. It's delicious." Tony refilled again, and after a moment of contemplation, grabbed the bottle of vodka and moved to sit down beside Steve, who was giving him an odd look. "Might as well have some company if I can't sleep. It's certainly better than the alternative."

"What's the alternative?" Steve was leaning forward on his knees, head bowed.

"Oh, just drinking myself into a pathetic stupor, passing out on the couch, then having Jarvis wake me up before any of you get up so I can go back to a real bed," Tony said, crooking an eyebrow at him.

Steve tilted his head. "That's not healthy."

"Hm, you're not the first to tell me that," Tony said. He took another swig.

Steve snatched the bottle out of his hand, holding it out of reach when Tony flailed for it, a petulant expression on his lips. "How about I offer you another alternative?"

"Oh, and what would that be?" Tony asked as he stood up. If Steve was going to steal his alcohol, he'd just go grab another.

Except Steve had reached out and grabbed his arm and forced him to sit back down. At any other time, Tony wouldn't have cared. He would've shrugged Steve off and walked away, but his mind was too fragile and decided that Steve was a threat that needed to be eliminated.

His own hand wrapped tight around Steve's wrist and he yanked the man forward off the couch, throwing him to the ground and jumping back, panting. Fear thundered through his veins, making his ears roar with blood as he stared down at Steve. Steve, who was not Obadiah. Steve, who was not going to pin him down and tear his life out. Steve, the blond man looking up at him, eyes narrowing with judgment.

"Don't say a word," Tony said, backing up. "I know that look, and I really do not want to hear what you have to say."

"Tony."

"No, no, not listening," Tony said as he turned away and headed back to the bar. His hands were shaking too bad for him to pour anything, and after dropping the glass from before three times back onto the counter, he realized Steve was walking towards him.

"I'm sorry," Steve said, picking up the glass. The discarded bottle of vodka from earlier was in his other hand, and he poured another drink and slid it closer to Tony. "I...for whatever I did to upset you."

"Just an over-reaction, it's nothing," Tony said. He didn't trust himself to grab the shot glass, so he left it, full on the counter.  _Stop the presses, Tony Stark refused an offer for more alcohol._

"It's not nothing," Steve said. "I've seen that expression, that fear, in too many men's eyes to know it isn't nothing. I did something wrong, and for that, I am sorry."

"You may have known your men, Rogers, but you don't know me," Tony said, finally gathering his wits about him once more and walking away, back towards his room.

"I would if you'd just tell me," Steve said, his words causing a falter in Tony's step.

Tony took a deep breath, closing his eyes. "I'm not wearing the suit, Steve. Pretty sure you were convinced I was nothing without it."  _I even believe you._

"You know I don't think that now, not after...everything."

Tony turned around to see Steve staring down at the ground, as if ashamed that he had ever thought a single bad thought, however deserved, about Tony. And that was just a weird thing to see.

"But I'm nothing compared to you guys. I just have this  _thing_  in my chest that can just be...ripped out by anyone. I can be killed easier than any of you, and I'm not a superhuman, and I..." Tony stopped when Steve looked up at him, his blue eyes full of something that he really hoped was not pity.

"Tony, are you sure you don't want to talk?" Steve asked.

"No, I don't want to  _talk_ , Rogers. I've never been big on the whole emotions thing," Tony said with a flap of his hand.

"Maybe I want to talk," Steve said, stepping closer. "I was up before you after all, maybe I need someone to talk to."

Tony glanced at the ground. "Why would you talk to me then? Like I said, emotions and me don't mix."

"I have no one else."

Tony's eyes remained permanently rooted to the floor then, a cold feeling washing over him. He swallowed thickly, fists unclenching slowly. He knew that feeling. He knew that feeling quite well. When he came home from Afghanistan and showed Obi the reactor only to have the man rip it out for his own uses, leaving him to die on the floor. It was then he realized there was no one,  _no one_ , to take care of him, no one for him to talk to any longer.

"Okay."

Steve walked back towards the couch, and Tony followed.  _I don't have to say anything. I can just listen to him talk, it's fine._

The conversation, surprisingly, wasn't that bad. Steve talked about old war stories, mainly about Bucky, and memories of when he was younger living in Brooklyn. By the time he stopped, it was three in the morning and Tony was feeling more relaxed than he had in awhile from Steve's care free jokes. The man really was funny when he wasn't trying to be the symbolism of America.

Tony went back to bed at four in the morning, and woke up feeling refreshed for the first time in a long while.

 

-.-

 

It started to become a regular thing, or rather, as regular as Tony's nightmares were. Which occurred every other night or so. He was surprised to see Steve up every time he stumbled out to the living room, but Steve brushed it off saying that he had things that kept him awake at night too.

It wasn't really a surprise when Steve began to divulge those things. Stories of how he had almost lost Bucky, on numerous occasions, and the one time he actually had to see the man fall to his death. Stories of watching close friends die, falling before the might of Hydra's weapons, born of the Tesseract. Tony himself had been angry to see Fury was making weapons using the Tesseract energy. It must've been even worse for Steve, having seen what the weapons could do, up close and personal.

He was beginning to realize that he and Steve weren't so different. They both had their nightmares, their losses, their fears of seeing the past repeated.

Tony was realizing something else though. Steve had experienced traumatic events. He had seen people die. But he always had someone he could count on, someone he knew wouldn't betray him.

Tony, on the other hand, didn't have many of those left. Pepper, yes, but she had left him soon after the Avengers debut performance against Loki. She didn't appreciate the constant near death experiences of her lover, which he didn't fault her for at all. At the very least, he knew he could still count on her as a friend, but that was really it. Rhodes and he didn't talk as much as they used to. And if those two fell through, he used to have Obi, but then the man had tried to kill him, then ripped out the only thing keeping him alive.

Steve had never experienced that pain. Despite all he had been through, it was that event that kept them different, apart, in Tony's mind. He was...honored that Steve had told him so much during their late night talks, but he couldn't bring himself to reciprocate.

Because he knew Steve could never understand that ache of having your best friend try and kill you.

 

-.-

 

Tony stared up at the ceiling, resisting the urge to get up and move to the living room. He could hear Obadiah breathing in his ear, the smell of booze and that cheap mint gum he always insisted on buying even though he didn't have to in his nose. Obi had never been frugal; he had just really liked that gum. Now he couldn't help but suppress a shudder whenever he saw it on the shelf of a store.

Try as he might, he couldn't dispel the thoughts of his nightmare. His body jerked at the memory, the pain lancing through him, making him curl up on himself as he gasped out stuttered breathes. Phantom arcs of pain radiated out from his chest, his blood roaring in his ears as it tried to process the adrenaline spiking through him.

The door cracked open, the sound startling Tony out of his flashback, and he jerked on the bed, panting heavily as his mind finally caught up with itself. Groaning, he untangled himself from the sheets, covering his eyes when the lights flickered on, bright.

"Tony?"  
"Jesus...f-fuck..." Tony flopped back fully on the bed, his free hand rubbing at the arc reactor beneath his shirt, trying to affirm that it was there, but the touch through cloth wasn't enough.

Practically choking on his panic, Tony sat up and began to tug his shirt off, flinging it to the side before he looked down, staring at the circle of blue light, whirring within his chest. It ached, horribly. He rubbed his hand over it, felt along the edges of the metal.

"Tony?"

He looked up to see Steve standing in only his sweats, hair mussed up and eyes full of concern. "Oh great. Jarvis, what the hell?"  
"You were not coming out of it on your own sir, so I enlisted some outside help."

Tony rolled his eyes, orders to kick Steve out on the tip of his tongue, but all he could do was stare at him, and something must've read in his gaze because the next moment, Steve was crawling onto the bed, slipping between his knees and moving close.

"Tony, I'm going to hug you now, okay?"

Breath still stuttering, Tony nodded, trying not to panic as Steve's arms wrapped around his shoulders, tugging him forward so they were chest to chest. The arc reactor rubbed between them, and he started, pulling back. But Steve kept his grip firm, only letting him move enough to get rid of the contact with the arc reactor.

"This is okay, you're okay," Steve said, resting his chin on Tony's shoulder.

"Of course I am," Tony said. He wished he could keep the snapping bite out of his voice, but now that he was beginning to calm down, his mind was demanding that he stop being so weak, especially in front of Steve.

But Steve had shown him weakness throughout the past few weeks, baring his deeper thoughts and painful memories.

"Could you do something for me?" Tony asked, the words escaping him in a rush.

"Yeah, anything," Steve said.

Tony pulled back, grabbing one of the soldier's broad hands in his own two, then pressing it against the arc reactor, trying not to flinch at the touch. Steve looked up at him, but Tony broke their gaze before Steve read too much.

"I figure, you're as good as a human shield, right? So you can...protect it." Tony maneuvered them back down onto the bed so they were spooning, his back to Steve's chest with the man's hand resting firmly over the reactor.

"Protect it from what?" Steve asked into his neck as Jarvis dimmed the lights back down.

"I'm only giving you so much, don't get excited," Tony said, burrowing his face into the crook of his elbow.

Steve didn't move his hand for the rest of the night.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is actually going to be three chapters, sorry guys. D:

Tony woke first, possibly because he hadn't been able to fall into anything deeper than a light doze. Occasionally, Steve's thumb had stroked along the outer line of the arc reactor, but other than that, it had just hovered protectively over it.  _Even in sleep he's a good soldier._

He began to roll away, amused when Steve pulled him closer for a moment and then relaxed again, allowing Tony to slip out of his grasp. His next goal was coffee, and he shuffled out to the kitchen to make some. When he arrived though, the coffee was already made and he quirked an eyebrow at it and then glanced around to see if anyone else was up.

"Jarvis, why-"

"Captain Rogers woke up earlier and started your coffee Mr. Stark."

Tony stared at the coffee pot in disbelief, as if waiting for the pot to start talking and deny everything. It made no sense. People didn't do nice things for him, it was weird. People also weren't allowed to touch the arc reactor so Steve was just making himself an exception to all of Tony's rules and he wasn't quite sure how he felt about that.

"Tony, you should've woken me."

Tony's fingers curled into fists as he stared down into his full cup of coffee. "You already made me coffee, that's enough."

Steve crossed the space between them, leaning up against the counter. "I'm just trying to help you Tony. I don't like seeing you upset. I've let you help me, why can't I do the same?" His voice was soft despite his accusing words, and it made Tony want to punch him all the more.

"Because, Steve, you don't know what you're getting into," Tony said, grabbing his coffee and heading for the direction of his lab.

"At the risk of sounding repetitive, I'd know how to help if you'd just tell me," Steve said.

Tony froze and then turned. "No you wouldn't Steve. I am not your soldier."

"Yeah but I'm your friend," Steve said, the barest hint of a smile twitching on his lips. "I know you wouldn't have let just anyone hold you like that."

"I didn't need you. Jarvis just over-reacts," Tony said.

"Yeah, sure, that's why you were practically having a seizure you were so scared," Steve said, eyes narrowing.

"I've managed just fine without you," Tony said, this time walking away.

"But you don't have to!"

Tony didn't dignify that with a response, instead continuing on his way to his lab.

-.-

The next few nights, even when he woke, Tony remained stubbornly in bed. No incident was as bad as before, so he could continue to mope in his bed alone and let sleep evade him. His behavior around Steve wasn't something he was okay with. Last time he had shown weakness, he had paid for it.

"You're looking rough, even for you," Bruce said, nudging him with his elbow as he walked by.

"Oh thanks, that's just what I wanted to hear," Tony said with an eye roll.

"You not sleeping?"

"Hey, you're in the lab just as much as I am," Tony said, twirling the screwdriver in his hand at the other scientist.

Bruce gave him a crooked smile. "Yeah, but I actually sleep when I go back to my room."

"Oh what, are you spying on me now?" Tony asked with a small laugh.

"No, Jarvis told me actually," Bruce said, expression growing serious as he hopped up onto one the lab tables. "He said the only night you've slept easy is when Steve was with you, which, I don't even want to know what that's about. He's concerned about you health."

"What the hell Jarvis? I didn't create you to help rat me out," Tony said, shaking his fist at the ceiling. "I am so reprogramming you!"

Bruce sighed and shook his head, moving across the space between them to grab Tony's arm and lower it. "I'm probably the only one he's told. You and Steve seem to be good...friends. Why don't you just let him stay?"

"Because I don't do emotions? Hate people sleeping in my bed. Don't like Steve. Steve doesn't like me."

Bruce didn't look convinced, but he dropped the other man's arm and headed back towards one of his own experiments. "I think you're wrong. He's been a lot happier lately. Probably all those midnight talks."

"Jarvis told you about those too?"

"No," Bruce said. "I just almost interrupted you guys a few times. I figured it was a regular thing. You know, he tells you a lot of things for not being his friend."

Tony dropped the screwdriver on the table, leaning over it and pressing the palms of his hands against his eyes. "Are you guilt tripping me, Banner?"

"Not at all, I just think you should stop being stubborn and let someone help you. I let you help me." Bruce measure out some chemical and poured it into a beaker, frowning at the contents before shoving it aside and walking back towards Tony. "All you ever do is help other people, and don't try and deny that, but you don't let anyone get close to  _you._ "

"Because when people get close to me, I usually end up in a bad spot," Tony said, frowning into the table. "Look, Bruce, don't worry about me."

"Somebody has to," Bruce said.

"And that's what Pepper is for," Tony said, still not looking up.

"Yeah she's doing a fine job of that, when was the last time you two talked?"

"Jesus Christ I can't get any peace. Jarvis, don't let anyone in my room, and no meddling either," Tony said, jabbing a finger up at the ceiling as he walked out of the lab.

"Yes sir."

"Don't say it, do it."

-.-

Everything was fine, in Tony's mind. Bruce and Steve both stopped harping at him, and Jarvis finally stopped conspiring against him. When he woke from his nightmares, he no longer saw Steve, and he went back to his old routine of drinking himself to sleep.

So everything was fine. Until they went up against some weird mutant thing that had managed to rip off his chest plate, its claws gauging out deep cuts in his chest, just beneath the arc-reactor. Steve's arm wrapped around his waist to hold up his staggering form. Hulk ran past them to tackle the weird giant spider-lizard-thing, giving Steve time to drag Tony back into an alleyway and set him down against the wall.

"Tony, you alright?" he asked. "How'd he get through the suit?"

"Can't talk, go fight the stupid thing already," Tony said, shoving Steve away. "And samples, I want samples."

Steve cast him one more worried look and then headed back into the battle. Breath heaving, Tony looked down at the lines that carved around the arc reactor, so close, too close. Just a half-inch higher and he might've had it ripped out, especially given that the beast had managed to carve a chunk out of his chest plate. Not much could cut through the armor.

He couldn't bring himself to look away from the injury, his vision swimming as his breathing grew shallower.

"Sir, you need to calm down, your heart rate is accelerating-"

His vision tunneled and he let go.

-.-

When Tony woke, his suit was lying in pieces beside his bed, and Steve was sitting beside him, his hand resting over the arc reactor. He shoved Steve away as he sat up, inwardly wincing when he saw the hurt expression on the other man's face.

"What happened?"  
"Jarvis hacked the comms and said you needed attention so I went back but you had already passed out," Steve said, climbing off of the bed. "I thought maybe you would...uh...rest easier if I had my hand on your um-" Steve gestured at him, then folded his arms tightly over his chest and looked down. "Sorry."

Tony blinked a few time and then looked down at his chest. He was bandaged up, the bandages covering the soft glow of the arc reactor, but it seemed he was already bleeding through the bandages again. "I guess I need to get these changed. Did you get those samples I asked for?"

Steve brightened, and for a moment, the thought that Steve was pleased he had done something right made Tony's stomach flip. "Yes, Dr. Banner put them in your lab."

"Good, I need to figure out what was able to cut through my armor like that," Tony said. "I need new bandages, do you have any?"

"Uh, yeah, here, let me," Steve said, grabbing some off the dresser and getting onto the bed.

He methodically removed the bandages from Tony's chest, moving carefully so as not to hurt him. Tony was torn between shoving the man away and doing it himself, and curling up and dying in humiliation that he had to be helped. Lifting his arms and pushing himself upright had hurt enough as it was, the wounds pulling from the effort.

By the time Steve had bandaged him up again, he was panting again, from fear. It was stupid really, getting so nervous about Steve's hands near the reactor; after all, the man had proven twice now that he wouldn't let harm come to the reactor, protecting it while he slept.

"Tony, I'm not going to do anything," Steve said, letting his fingers brush over the soft blue light before raising his eyes to look up at the man. "I'm not going to tear it out or anything like that."

Tony's eyes narrowed and he looked stubbornly away. "I'm not afraid of anything like that."

"Oh yeah, I can tell," Steve said as he backed off the bed again.

"I was unaware you were capable of sarcasm, good to be proven wrong," Tony said.

"Tony, could you stop being stubborn for just two seconds? I want to help you and whatever your problem is with that," Steve said, gesturing at the reactor. "If you're going to panic during a mission just because an enemy gets a little too close to it-"

"No shit I'm going to panic!" Tony shouted, unable to stop his anger. Steve's eyebrows rose. "This thing is the only thing keeping me alive. I'll going into goddamn cardiac arrest and die without it. Excuse me for being a little paranoid!"

Steve's gaze softened. "Tony, I'm sorry."

"You wanna know why I'm so scared? Hm?" Tony struggled up onto his feet, moving around the bed so he was toe to toe with Steve, glaring up at him. "It might have something to do with the fact that I had someone reach in and pull my fucking heart out. Can you imagine how that feels, Captain? To have the only thing keeping you alive just plucked from your chest?" He rapped his back of his knuckles against Steve's chest, then shook his head and backed away. "I told you that you wouldn't understand."

He backed away, ignoring the pain in his chest and back as he headed back towards the bed.

"I'm glad you told me," Steve said as he headed for the door. "I want to help you Tony. Help you get over your fear, if you'd just let me."

"I don't do therapy," Tony said, easing himself back onto his bed. "Thanks for getting those samples. I'm going to pass out now."

Steve began to open the door, then shut it and leaned against it. "Do you want me to stay? I can...hold you or something."

"Didn't think you'd be looking for an excuse to hold a guy let alone me," Tony said, meaning it as a joke.

"I don't mind those who are gay, Tony. I've adjusted quite well to the idea, thank you. Give me some credit," Steve said, turning to face him with a smile. "And besides, I just want to help, I'm not looking for you to...pay me back or something."

Tony realized then, as he met Steve's eyes, that really, that might have been his problem. He didn't want help because in his experience, people always wanted something in return. It was just human nature, and he had experienced plenty of people after one thing or another. But this was Steve. Steve who had held his hand over the reactor all night without question, had gone out of his way to try to help even when Tony repeatedly shoved him away.

"Okay."

Steve's smile widened.

-.-

Despite Steve's presence, nightmares plagued him. They shook him from his sleep, and he jolted upright, wincing at the sharp pain from his chest at the action. Steve was awake instantly, clicking on the bedside lamp and wrapping an arm around Tony's shoulder.

"Hey, it's okay," he said as Tony took a deep shuddering breath, his hands clawing the bandages away until he could see the arc reactor clearly. Once he had calmed, Steve calmly slid the bandages back into place. "You okay?"

"I..." Tony stared down at his hands, the sheets twisted around his legs. "You've told me so much. You didn't...leave me when I pushed you away. I want to tell you what happened. Hey, maybe it'll even help me sleep better."

"Tony, you don't have-"

"I want to," Tony said abruptly, pulling away enough so that he could face Steve head on. "When...when I was in Afghanistan, this was put in my chest. I learned while I was there that...the weapons I was manufacturing were being used by terrorist groups. My business partner, Obadiah Stane, had been doing some backroom dealing. I didn't know it at the time, and when I returned, I showed him the reactor. He wanted it for himself, wanted to make more weapons, and he wanted me dead so...he paralyzed me and ripped it out of my chest." Tony took a deep breath. "I dream about it a lot. It isn't something I want to have happen again."

Steve stared at him, eyes confused and uncomprehending as he tried to sift through all the information Tony had given him. "Tony..."

"Wow that a lot, let's forget I said that and go back to sleep, shall we?" Tony asked, rolling onto his side with his back to Steve. Shame burned through him, embarrassed that he had said so much without any real warning.

"Shouldn't we talk about this?" Steve asked.

"I don't do emotions," Tony said, half into the pillow. "I tried, okay? I told you. Now you know, end of story."

"No, Tony, I want to help, so we're going to talk," Steve said. "I...I guess I understand why it's so...important to guard." He slid closer, his hand sliding over Tony's chest to rest over the reactor. "And I'm honored you let me do this."

"It's not about...letting," Tony turned his face so it was fully buried in the pillow. "I just...feel like it's going to fall out of my chest sometimes..." He took a deep breath and then rolled onto his back, staring up at Steve. "It's stupid, I know."

"No," Steve said, shaking his head. "You aren't weak, Tony, I don't know why you think you are. You shouldn't be ashamed of...telling me things. Of being afraid. Just means you're human."

"Says the guy with an indestructible shield," Tony grumbled. "Look, this is weird for me Steve. Having Captain freaking America in my sleep comforting me from my nightmares is just...really weird and throwing me off."

"I can leave if you want," Steve said, drawing his hand away.

"No," Tony said and grabbed for the man's hand, bringing it back to his chest. His heart thudded loudly as their eyes met. "I...don't want you to leave. Maybe that's a scary enough thought on it's own."

"I don't want to leave either," Steve said, leaning down.

Tony pushed himself up onto his elbows, trying to get closer and not knowing why. Steve just made him feel safe, safer than anyone else had before. Pepper could never do that. He had always been the one in control of everything, dominating every encounter he was ever in for fear that if he let someone else have the reins, he would end up hurt. But this was Steve, Steve who had told him everything, had already trusted him with his own secrets, thoughts, and fears. He could let go around Steve. If he wanted.

He wanted.

He pushed their lips together, stomach flipping when Steve let out his breath in a soft moan, hand carding through Tony's hair and pushing him closer. It was a chaste kiss as far as Tony's kisses went, but he was still panting and flushed when they broke away.

"For the record, it was not my intention to kiss you when I first got into bed with you," Steve said, forehead still pressed to Tony's.

"I didn't even know I was attracted to you," Tony said, a frown marring his lips. "I guess it happened when I wasn't paying attention."

Steve smiled and brushed their lips together again. "There's a reason I told you all those things, Tony. I like you, a lot, even if you make it really difficult to do so sometimes. You're so much more than you give yourself credit for. I want you to see that."

Tony ducked his head and leaned against Steve's shoulders, mind trying to catch up. "Can we talk later? I'm...I think I need sleep before I say anything stupid."

Steve chuckled, low in his throat. "Go to sleep, Tony. I'll be right here the entire time."

-.-

Tony stared into his coffee as he thought. He had woken before Steve and decided to get away from him to give his thoughts time to process more. He had...told Steve his most horrifying memory, in a very blunt manner, and then they had kissed. It was hard to wrap his mind around it.

He supposed he had always been attracted to Steve on some level. He could appreciate Steve's well-muscled body after all, he wasn't blind, but he hadn't even noticed the effect Steve had on him. All their late night conversations, the sense of peace he had been left with, how...important he had felt that the man, despite their conflicts earlier on, trusted him with his memories of his old life.

It had all been in the back of his mind, coming together and building into whatever...feeling it was he harbored for the man. Tony didn't label things with the word  _love_  very easily.

"You could've woken me up," Steve said as he walked into the kitchen. "How are the wounds?"

"Painful, could use more medicine, but I've had worse," Tony said with a small shrug.

Steve shook his head, but there was a small smile on his face as he leaned over the opposite side of the counter Tony was sitting at. "So, how are you feeling about everything else?"  
"You know, I thought I would have to ask you that, but you seem pretty okay with your...whatever it is you have for me," Tony said.

"I've had time to adjust," Steve said. "I'm certain about what I feel for you Tony. I wouldn't have done everything I have if I didn't."

"Yeah, well I'm not," Tony said, staring back down at his coffee. "I need more time." God, that felt weird to say.

"And I am more than willing to give you that time. I guess I've...thrown a lot at you, out of nowhere too," Steve said.

"I've done the same to you," Tony said. "And I guess it wasn't totally out of left field either. But I'd like more time."

Steve beamed at him, then tilted Tony's chin up. "I am more than willing to wait however long you need. I value your friendship more than anything, Tony. You've...accepted me more than most."

"And it wasn't even intentional," Tony said, as surprised of the realization as Steve. "You wormed your way into my life more than I thought."

"I don't think that's a bad thing though," Steve said.

Tony nodded his head in agreement, smirking when Steve flushed at the way their noses brushed together. "I need to shower. I have work to do today. Need to build a new suit and everything."

"Y-Yeah," Steve said, jerking back as his flush grew.

"We'll talk more," Tony said. "Promise."

"I'm glad you aren't running away anymore," Steve said. "I'm happy you've decided to trust me with...everything you've told me. It means a lot."

Tony tilted his head to the side, a curious look on his face. "I had to start trusting someone eventually. So...thanks."

Steve smiled, and Tony realized a moment later why. Tony wasn't a man to say thank you for much of anything. He smiled back. But Steve wasn't just anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I don't know how I feel about writing Tony in this. He's a very difficult character to write for, so any criticism is greatly appreciated. I don't think I'm the best at writing this pairing, I definitely need to try it out a few more times.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally finished this guys. If there are any errors I apologize, but it's almost 2 in the morning and I got lazy with my editing. Thanks for your continued support, I love you all! Reviews are also loved. I don't own Avengers.

"You look happier," Bruce said as Tony entered the lab, whistling despite his slight limp. "The samples Cap gathered are over there." He gestured at a lab table towards the back.

"Bruce, I have a serious question to ask you," Tony said, practically trapping Bruce against the lab table.

"Ask away," Bruce said. He prodded Tony's arm until he moved it back a little ways. "I did some tests on the samples Steve brought in. It's not an element I've seen before, which isn't surprising given that it's from another planet."

"The monster is not the important thing right now, Bruce, I'll get to it later," Tony said, crowding the man's space until he had his undivided attention.

Bruce raised an eyebrow at him. "The thing that ripped your armor apart isn't important?"  
"Not in the grand scheme of things no," Tony said. "Look, you're getting me distracted, so just shut up and listen. Steve likes me."

Bruce blinked at him a few times and turned back to his work, flipping through some pages. "Okay, tell me something the entire team doesn't know. Tony, I really think you need to look at this-"

"I just said the monster isn't important," Tony said, shoving the papers away and hopping up on the table, leaning down in front of Bruce. "What do you mean the entire team already knew?"

Bruce gave a small 'I-can't-believe-I'm-humoring-you' smile, an almost exact copy of the expression Pepper gave him. "Steve isn't that great at hiding his emotions, it's probably what made it so hard for him to get the girl when he was younger. He gives you those side long glances and blushes all the time, and most girls want to be wooed."

"He did woo me," Tony said. "Bruce, your logic isn't making any sense."

"Clearly," Bruce said with an eye-roll. "Look, you aren't a girl, and you're also oblivious to anyone who pays attention to you-"

"That's because people are always paying attention to me, I just assumed it was a natural thing," Tony said.

Bruce sighed, rubbing his eyes for a moment before straightening his glasses. "So the reason you didn't notice that Steve has been making puppy eyes at you since we got rid of Loki is because you assume everyone looks at you like that?"

"Well see, when you put it that way it sounds bad-"

"No matter what way you put it, it sounds bad, Tony, honestly," Bruce said. "Anyways, what's your question? You haven't really asked anything."

"Oh right, well what do I do about Steve? Because I mean me and relationships don't work out and Steve is a good upstanding gentleman and I'm going to ruin him," Tony said, looking down at his hands.

"Ah." Bruce reached around Tony to start flipping through the papers again. "All true statements. But Steve already knows about all your flaws and if he likes you anyways then...well you're good." He shrugged. "You're stuck with him."

"But I'm going to ruin him," Tony said.

"Are you though?" Bruce asked. "What makes you so sure of that?"

"Uh, let's look at my other relationships. Ah, Pepper and...yeah that's it," Tony said. "Literally, all I've had before that is one night stands, granted they were with intelligent, lovely women. I can't do relationships."

"It's Steve, maybe he'll make you...better."

"I don't think that's possible," Tony said with a frown.

"Tony, stop running away from good things because you think you don't deserve it. Yes, you made mistakes but that doesn't mean you deserve to live alone without any friends or someone to care about you," Bruce said, glaring up at him. "Understand?"

Tony's eyes widened in surprise. "Bruce that...was the most I've ever heard you talk at once."

"Maybe that will tell you I'm serious," Bruce said. "Now, go talk to Steve if you aren't going to be productive."

"Yeah, yeah," Tony said, mulling over his words. "I...thanks Bruce." He'd been saying that a lot lately, but...it was for a good reason. He knew that much for sure.

-.-

Tony found Steve on the tower roof, sketchpad in hand but with nothing drawn on it. "Hey."

"Well this is a surprise," Steve said as Tony sat down beside him, their feet dangling over the edge.

"Yeah well, I'm full of surprises," Tony said. "And what, can't I sit on my own roof?"

Steve shook his head, grinning. "That's not what I meant. I meant...that I thought you'd be avoiding me for longer."

Tony wrinkled his nose with a frown. "That predictable am I?"

"Just a bit. But it's fine, I like being surprised," Steve said, nudging him gently.

"Yeah, yeah, what're you drawing up here anyways?" Tony asked.

"Haven't decided yet," Steve admitted. "But you can uh, look if you want."

He was flushing along his neck as he handed Tony the sketchbook, and Tony handled the book almost reverently, as if he was afraid it would suddenly break in half. Which was ridiculous but he knew from their talks that Steve didn't share his drawings with just anyone.

"You sure?" Tony asked.

"Yeah," Steve said.

Tony almost wanted to throw the sketchbook back at him, demand what he was doing, demand if he understood what this meant. But instead he closed it all the way then flipped the top cover. It was a sketch, from what he assumed was memory, of Bucky talking to some girl at a diner table. The next few pictures were of still life, plants, cars, rooms. He paused at the last ones, sure that they were rooms of Steve's old house.

A small bedroom, modest, a dresser, small nightstand, and a bed that looked a little lopsided, the covers rumpled. So unlike the Steve Rogers he knew now, who's bed was always meticulously made. He spent a decent amount of time on each of them, Steve making short comments on a few, but mostly, they were silent. And then...then he reached the more recent pictures.

Him and Bruce hunched over something in the lab, a bit of color added to this one. Natasha tossing grapes at Clint to catch in his mouth, Clint peeking over the edge of the ceiling tile as he emerged from hanging around in the vents, Thor tossing the chessboard across the room with a twitch of a smile on Bruce's lips.

"These are...gorgeous," Tony said, flipping the page once more.

Steve was silent as he looked. It was him, lying on the bed with the sheets tangled around his waist. His shirt was off, the only color on the page being the arc reactor glowing at the center. A hand lay just beneath it, a thumb brushing the edge, but the sketch faded into nothing when it reached the unknown figure's elbow.

"I'm sorry, maybe it's...offensive," Steve said quietly.

"No it..." It was the first time the arc reactor looked...beautiful instead of ugly and defective. Steve hadn't skipped over his scars, no those were still there, marring the edges of the reactor but somehow he had managed to make it look natural and powerful instead of weak.

He closed the sketchbook, setting it aside as he looked at Steve. Words were struggling to make themselves known but he couldn't get his mind to function long enough to actually make them heard. So instead he caught Steve's lips with his own, a surprisingly chaste kiss given his track record. He hoped it sufficed as a thank you, that Steve could figure out what was going on in his head so he wouldn't have to find a way to voice it.

Steve's hand came up to rest gently at the base of his neck, tracing over his hairline as he deepened the kiss, keeping it slow. Something was struggling in his chest, wanting to break free but coming out as a half moan, half sob against Steve's lips.

Alarmed, Steve moved back, hands sliding up to cup Tony's face even as he ducked his head. Why were his eyes burning? He wasn't crying was he? He didn't...Steve's fingers brushed up under his eyes, a bit of liquid coming away on his fingertips.

"I don't know what..." Tony began, but Steve hushed him by sliding his lips over his own once more.

When he pulled back again, he was smiling, a soft, barely there kind of smile that made his stomach flutter in a way he didn't quite recognize. "It's okay Tony. I understand. Sometimes things get a bit...overwhelming."

He wasn't crying anymore, but the fact that he had shed any tears was a bit embarrassing. "But I...I don't cry, Steve, it's weird."

Steve gave a soft chuckle, pulling Tony forward in a hug. "Maybe it's weird because you haven't done it in awhile. It's not normal to try and hold things in that long."

Tony had a snarky retort, but he swallowed it and accepted Steve's hug, resting his chin on the man's shoulder. It was weird, crying and then being hugged, two things he didn't get much of. So he let Steve hold him, realizing for the first time that he actually  _liked_  being held. The times Steve had spent the night with him, yeah he had liked being held but that was because of the arc reactor. This was just...enjoying someone else touching him in a way that didn't promise pleasure, at least not of the carnal variety.

Strangely, that made it all the better.

"We should go inside," Steve said, pulling back a bit but letting his hands roam over Tony's shoulders anyways.

"Yeah, I have to go back down to the lab anyways," Tony said.

"Avoiding me?" Steve asked, only half joking.

"No. Not...I'm not going to avoid you, not anymore," Tony said, glancing to the side with a clenching of his jaw. "I can't do that to you."

"Promise?" Steve's knuckles brushed over his jaw, scratching at the scruff for a moment.

"Yeah, promise," Tony said, the words somehow easier to say than they ever had been before. "I'll...see you tonight?"  
"It's a date," Steve said with a wide smile.

God he was so perfect with that expression; it made Tony's heart ache in an entirely good way. This was his now, and he wasn't going to be ashamed of it. Bruce was right. It was okay to be happy, he deserved to be happy, no matter what some people thought.

-.-

"I think we need to do another movie marathon," Tony said as he handed his plate to Steve.

Steve and he had caught dinner together, a homemade breakfast for dinner. Clint and Natasha were on a mission, due back late that night, and Thor had taken Jane on a date. Bruce had popped up to grab a few sausage links before disappearing into the lab again, swearing he was close to figuring out something Tony didn't bother listening to.

"Don't kids watch movies so they have an excuse to make out, Tony?" Steve asked, hiding his smile by ducking his head.

Tony hopped up on the counter, trying to look affronted. "Why would you ever accuse me of that?"

Steve flicked water off his hands and then slid his hands up Tony's neck to cup his face. "Perhaps because you have the reputation of being quite the seducer." He gave him a small kiss, smiling shyly at him. "Which I'm totally okay with of course."

Tony took a deep shuddering breath, resisting the urge to leap off the counter and ravage Steve's mouth. "I'm still offended that you think that's the only thing on my mind when I'm trying to bring you up to date on culture."

"Hm, then I expect I won't be getting any kisses from you later," Steve said, turning back to the dishes.

"Is that a challenge?" Tony asked. He jumped down from his place on the counter. "I think it is. And I think I'm going to win it too."

"Sure you are Tony," Steve said, patting his shoulder as he walked by.

-.-

Tony, true to his word, stayed on the opposite side of the couch as they watched movies, the Terminator series this time. Personally, Tony thought the movies were kind of bad, but Steve seemed to enjoy them, even if he got confused a few times.

He was actually amused by the way Steve would slide closer, try to put an arm around him only to have Tony casually knock it away and lean against the opposite arm rest, crooking an eyebrow up at the super soldier. Steve looked just like a kicked puppy when he did that, but Tony wasn't about to lose, not when his reputation was on the line. He wasn't going to go down as the guy who couldn't keep his hands to himself.

When the last movie ended, Tony got up and stretched, flashing Steve a smile. "Well that was good. I'm off to bed. Alone. I win."

Steve's eyes narrowed, and Tony had a brief moment to question if perhaps he shouldn't have said anything, before he was swept up in a tight embrace with Steve's tongue thoroughly plundering his mouth. This was alright too, this was more than okay.

Tony wasn't sure where he got the idea that Steve was pure and he was going to ruin him. There was no way Steve would be able to kiss that well without some prior experience. He groaned softly as a large hand came to rest at his hip, jerking him a bit closer as Steve's other hand trailed back and forth at the hem of his shirt, ghosting over the bit of bare skin he found.

"For the record," Tony said between kisses. "I did not instigate this. I still won."

"Of course," Steve said, pulling away to press his lips to Tony's neck, adding a light bite here and there as he slipped his hand up underneath his shirt.

"Really? This isn't the first thing I want to see when I get back from a mission," Clint said, his voice breaking them both apart like startled rabbits.

"Took long enough," Natasha said with an eye-roll as she yanked the fridge open. "What do you want Clint?"

"Sugar," Clint said, leaning against the island and holding his hand out. "So you guys fuck yet?"

"Here is your super sugary drink," Natasha said, shoving a can of pop into his hand and pulling out a bottle of water for herself.

"Uh, we haven't yet," Tony said.

"You can't talk about...that with them," Steve said, flushing.

"Come off it, soldier boy, people aren't as shy as you were about this stuff," Clint said. "And for the record, I don't believe that for a moment Tony. That's not like you."

"Ah, because the freaking bird knows all about me, huh?" Tony asked.

"He doesn't but I do," Natasha said with a shrug.

"Is it that hard to believe that I won't just hop into bed with people?" Tony asked, feeling a bit irritated by the thought, more than he should've been.

"A bit, yeah," Clint admitted with a shrug of his own.

"Yeah thanks," Tony said, giving them both a sneering twitch of his lips before exiting the room. He wasn't in the mood to have people shoving his failures in his face.

He threw his shirt across the room as he got ready for bed, heading into the bathroom to change his bandages. Things like this were generally quick affairs. Rip off old bandage, clean, put on new. He got as far as cleaning before he looked up and saw the damage in the mirror, really saw it for the first time. It had been a close call. He and Jarvis had already run a check on the reactor, several times actually, to make sure it was all working properly. Still, it was hard to look at it.

He bit his lip and looked down, grabbing for the bandages only to have them pulled out of his reach.

"How about I take care of that?" Steve asked quietly.

He moved to stand behind Tony, wrapping the bandage carefully over the scratches that started at the middle of his ribcage. It was a silent affair for the most part, until Steve reached the reactor at least.

"You know, this is really beautiful, Tony," Steve said, securing the bandage just beneath it. The action made Tony's breath catch for a moment. That Steve knew he didn't want it bound meant a lot more to him than he cared to admit.

"What's so beautiful about a bunch of scars and a clunky piece of metal in my chest?" Tony asked, looking up and frowning at his reflection.

"It keeps you alive doesn't it?" Steve moved his hand up to trace the outer edges. "Scars are reminders of what mistakes not to make, beautiful and powerful reminders. How could they be ugly?"

"Because people died as a result," Tony replied. "Because thousands of innocent people died for my mistakes."

Steve sighed against his neck, hand moving to cover the reactor completely. "But look at what you've accomplished. You made it better. You changed the way your company worked, you're going to give the world a new energy source. Why do you keep seeking redemption when you've already done more than enough?"

"Because I've never been enough."

He pulled away from Steve then, moving to exit the bathroom only to have Steve grab his wrist and drag him back, both his hands moving to squeeze Tony's shoulders.

"Tony, you are more than enough for me, and for the people you've saved," Steve said firmly, not letting Tony look away. "You have your faults but so do I. That doesn't mean you're a failure. You're fine just the way you are, and anyone who disagrees with that doesn't know you."

"Steve..." Tony didn't have a response. How did you respond to someone that praised you when you spent your whole life being 'not good enough'?

"I know I'm right on this one, Tony, believe," Steve said. "You're a good person. I don't think you sleep around like that anymore, you aren't selfish, and you have the biggest heart out of everyone here."

Tony shook his head, unable to stop the displeasure from showing on his face. "Really? Because those words aren't usually applied to me. I'm quite a selfish brat, actually, thank you."

"That's a lie and you know it. A selfish man wouldn't fly a nuclear bomb into space just to save a city. A selfish man wouldn't build a suit to right the wrongs of his business partner, and a selfish man certainly wouldn't fight his best friend to stop him from manufacturing more weapons. You, Tony Stark, are anything but selfish," Steve said firmly, shaking Tony a bit as if it would help engrain his words.

Tony looked down, staring at the glowing light. Steve trailed his hand down from his shoulder to lightly trace the edge of it again, drawing a shudder forth from the shorter.

"It's beautiful Tony." Steve ducked down, kissing his neck, his shoulder, sliding down until he could place a soft kiss at the center of the light. "Okay? And so are you."

"I need sometime to think," Tony said quietly as Steve straightened.

"Of course," Steve said. "Do you want me to stay here tonight? Later?"

"You can stay, now," Tony said, giving him a small smile. "Just, let me think without saying anything."

Steve smiled back and kissed him once on the lips. "I can do that."

They didn't speak to each other for the rest of the night. Steve just laid beside him and ran his fingers up and down Tony's bare torso, from his neck to the waistline of his cotton pajama pants. It was more soothing than Tony would admit. He wasn't used to such casual touching, and he was surprised that it felt so nice, so calming. Before long, he had been pulled down into sleep, the last sound reaching his ears being Steve asking Jarvis to turn off the lights.

-.-

Tony woke with his chest throbbing with phantom pain, heart racing as he jerked out of Steve's grasp to sit up. His body was streaked in cold sweat and he struggled to get out of the bed. Hands slapping against the cool tile around the sink, he hauled in a deep, gulping breath, trying to get his eyes to focus as the light flicked on.

Shuddering, he leaned against the sink, forehead pressing into the faucet. It was cool against his skin, forcing him out of any remnants of the dream. He squeezed his eyes shut tight, easing himself back to try and stand up right, staggering a bit as his legs turned to jelly.

"Easy, I got you," Steve said softly, kissing his ear as he wrapped an arm around his waist and pulled him close. "You're alright now."

Tony buried his face in Steve's neck, taking a deep breath as he tried to relax more. The adrenaline rush was finally leaving him. He almost wished it would stay so he wouldn't feel so weak being held up by Steve.

"Sorry. Shouldn't be so weak," Tony mumbled.

"Not weak, Tony," Steve said lowly. "You know that. This is proof of that." He lightly tapped the light reactor before sliding his hand over it, fingers pressing into the skin surrounding it. "Look."

Tony dragged his face away from Steve's throat, looking into the mirror as Steve drew his hand away. "What?"

"Those scars are proof that you aren't weak, Tony. Beautiful, just like I said." Steve kissed the side of his neck. "Understand?"

Tony didn't offer an answer, instead turning his head to catch Steve's lips with his own. Steve indulged him, let him escape committing to an answer by allowing the kiss to deepen. It was a way to take the edge off in a way, at least in Tony's mind. He usually just got drunk out of his mind but letting someone touch him, letting someone kiss him and run their hands over the reactor...that made him feel more alive than ten shots of vodka did.

"Tony," Steve murmured against his lips, pulling back a bit.

"God, Steve, shut up I don't want to talk right now, okay?" Tony whispered, leaning further back against him.

"Okay," Steve said softly. "I'll give you what you need, you're okay."

Tony shook his head and opened his mouth to say something, but then Steve slid his hand down to palm him through his sweats and he could only let out a breathless moan.

"Lean back against me, I've got you," Steve said, pressing his other palm flat against Tony's belly until he was relaxed entirely against the other's chest.

Steve slid his hand up to caress against the reactor again as his other hand dipped below the top of his pants, slipping over his bare flesh. It was incredibly eye opening, the way Steve was able to make him feel helpless and protected all at once. He was restrained, but it wasn't a bad thing. There was a hand over the reactor, but it wasn't with malicious intent. He was safe, and his nerves were humming as Steve began to stroke his cock, the rhythm slow, but somehow comforting.

Tony didn't even think it was possible to make a hand job comforting, but somehow he felt safer in that moment than he ever had before. Steve continued to kiss his neck, fingers massaging the area around the reactor as he pushed Tony's pants down to properly free his cock.

"Look, Tony," Steve murmured, biting his earlobe gently. "How is any of this ugly?"

Tony obeyed, looking into the mirror through half lidded eyes. The glow of the reactor peeked out through Steve's fingers, and his chest and cheeks were flushed with their own reddish glow. Steve slid his hand down to show more of the reactor, his touch light enough not to disturb the scratches beneath the bandages.

"It...it isn't," Tony said quietly, opening his eyes completely. "It's not ugly."

"No, you're beautiful," Steve said, smiling against his jaw.

He erased whatever words Tony was going to say next by rubbing his thumb over the head of Tony's cock, drawing forth a moan. Even when Tony's hips began to jerk for more, Steve kept his pace slow, his hand massaging a similar rhythm over the reactor. It was almost an out of body experience, except his nerves were singing too loudly for it to not be real.

"F-Fuck Steve," Tony managed to get out, hips stuttering forward again. "Close..."

"That's good, I want to see it," Steve said quietly, nudging at Tony until they were able to kiss again, sliding their lips together just as he pressed his thumb over the tip again.

Tony gave a stifled groan into Steve's mouth as he came, practically whimpering as his hips jerked and writhed beneath Steve's grip. Steve stroked him through it, swallowing his gasps and moans until Tony was limp against him, panting, but not from fear or anxiety.

Smiling warmly, Steve picked Tony up and carried him back into the bedroom, laying him down on the sheets. He went and grabbed a washcloth and wiped his hand off, followed by wiping down Tony's stomach and hips. When he got into bed beside him once more, Tony couldn't help but roll as close to him as possible, wrapping himself tight around the larger.

"You're okay," Steve said, pressing a kiss to his forehead. "I'm here, not going anywhere. You'll be fine."

"I know," Tony said, twisting so he could bury his face in Steve's neck. "I know."

-.-

"Figured out what the alien claw thing was made out of," Tony said, hopping up on the table Bruce was working on, successfully scattering his papers. It had taken him a few weeks but by the time the cuts were healed, he had figured out the alien's secret.

"Could you not do that every time you want to talk to me?" Bruce asked, shaking his head as he pushed his glasses up.

"How else would I get your attention?" Tony asked. "You get as absorbed in your work as I do. Anyways. I accepted what you said. And I wanted to tell you that you're right. Also, what I was saying before, about the claw. Totally a foreign element, similar to diamond which explains why it cut through the suit."

Bruce folded his arms across his chest, taking a step back as he contemplated what Tony was saying. "I'm sorry, I'm not sure what to talk about first, the fact that you admitted I'm right or that you figured out what that element was."

Tony flapped a hand dismissively. "Neither are important I just thought you should know."

"But you discovered a foreign element. Shouldn't you be more excited?"

"I already have Jarvis figuring out a way to recreate it," Tony said. "Going to try a suit made with some trace amounts of it and see what happens. I already geeked out about it Bruce."

"Ah, of course," Bruce said, rolling his eyes. "So are you and Steve together now or what?"

"Yes. I am in a committed relationship, stop the presses," Tony said, nudging Bruce's hip with his foot. "I just hope I don't mess it up again."

"You won't," Bruce said, moving to grab a few papers and shuffle through them. "Really. You won't. Poisonous to think like that in the first place."

"How are you so sure of that when I'm not?" Tony asked, smiling despite his words.

"Because I'm not biased against you," Bruce said with a smile of his own. "So you going to take Steve our on a date or something?"

Tony winced at that. "I don't know how not to spend a ton of money on stuff like that. And he would hate it if I spent a ton of money on him."

"Oh the woes of being a rich boy," Bruce said. "Why don't you cook him something? He's made you some homemade meals right? It's a nice thing to do, personal."

"I...could do that," Tony mused with a thoughtful frown. "You're a smart guy, Bruce."

"Yes, I've been told. Are you going to be coming to me often for relationship advice, because that's kind of pathetic given my track record," Bruce said with a small smile.

"Oh, you make a good point," Tony said. He jumped down from the counter and clapped Bruce on the shoulder. "You'll find someone too."

Bruce rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah, go try and remember how to cook food so you don't upset the poor guy's stomach."

-.-

"This is really sweet, Tony, thanks," Steve said, smiling up at him as he set the plate down. It was that shy smile, the one that meant he really was touched and wasn't quite sure what to say.

The meal was spaghetti, one of the few recipes Tony had managed to find from his mother's old cookbook. There weren't many things from her around, but he had kept a small box of things from her. Pictures, some legal documents, and random junk. Everything about it was homemade, except for the noodles, but slaving over making sauce from scratch was time consuming as it was.

"Yeah well, I wanted to do something that you'd appreciate," Tony said, sitting down across from him.

They were sitting at the one dining table they had in the tower, for 'team-bonding nights' where they all sat together and ate bad take-out food. Except the rest of the team was gone and he and Steve could be alone to talk and do whatever they wanted.

"The sauce is different," Steve mused after he took a bite. "What brand?"

"I uh, made it. From scratch," Tony said, hunching over his plate. "Old family recipe or whatever."

There was a clink as Steve set his fork down on his plate, and when Tony dared to look up, Steve was looking at him with his head tilted and a smile on his face that made Tony feel wonderful and horrible things all at once.

"Thanks, Tony. It must've taken some time to find it," Steve said.

"Not really, was in a box of...stuff I have," Tony said, looking back down at his plate. "From my mom." He shoved a forkful of food into his mouth before he could say anything stupid.

"Well she must've been a lovely cook."

"Don't remember," Tony said. It was a lie, but Steve didn't know that. He had a few memories of his mother, some of them being her cooking back when he was really small, standing beside her leg and begging for a taste. They were some of the happiest memories of his childhood, and they often ended up being eclipsed by the darker ones.

"Sorry I know you don't like talking about that sort of thing," Steve said. "So how did you manage to empty out the tower?"

"Bribed Bruce into going out drinking with everyone. They couldn't resist such a rare event," Tony said with a grin.

Steve laughed, shaking his head. "Poor Bruce. You two seem to be...close. Bruce doesn't really talk to any of us but you two spend all your time together down in the lab."

Tony looked down, trying to stifle his smile. "Is this jealousy, Steve? You know you could come down in the lab with us."

Steve rolled his eyes. "I wouldn't understand a single word you two said and you know it."

"You could sketch down there," Tony said. "Machines are beautiful, in their own way, and with your attention to detail, I'm sure it'd be really nice to look at."

"You really think that?" Steve asked, frowning thoughtfully.

"I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it, and that's something  _you_  know," Tony said with a nod.

"I don't know, it's just weird to hear," Steve said. "I never did get to art school you know. There are a lot better artists out there than me."

"Doesn't mean the stuff you do isn't good," Tony said, scraping the last bit of food off his plate. In the time it had taken him to go through one, Steve had cleared his way through three, and was patting his stomach in satisfaction.

"Thanks, Tony. It means a lot to hear you say that," he said.

Tony smiled, getting to his feet and grabbing all the plates to dump in the sink. Steve came up behind him, resting his chin on Tony's shoulder as the other began to wash the dishes, winding his arms around his waist.

"You know it's hard to concentrate when you keep doing that," Tony said as Steve began to nibble at his neck. "People say I'm the one always thinking about sex."

"Nah, you have too many equations running up there," Steve said with a chuckle, kissing his temple. "Leave some room there for me?"

"There's always room for you," Tony said. "You're more important than any of...that stuff." He frowned down at what he was doing, realizing what he said was as good as a love confession. He didn't want to use that word yet, that word meant...too much to him.

"You keep saying stuff like that, makes me want to kiss you all the more," Steve said. "I know it's hard letting people get close, Tony, but I'm not leaving your side, no matter what, alright?"

Tony pulled the plug out, letting the water drain away. "Yeah, I know. Same. You're stuck with me."

"Could be stuck with worse," Steve said, turning him around so he could look him in the eyes. "Could be a lot worse. You're too good for me."

Tony rolled his eyes, not wanting to believe what Steve was saying.

"Hey, I mean it," Steve said, cupping his cheek with one hand. "I really like you Tony. You're amazing."

"You sure you want to swell my ego even more?"

"I think you could use a confidence boost," Steve said, his voice hushed as he shifted closer, almost pinning Tony to the counter. "Your room?"  
"You're not wasting time, are you?" Tony asked with a soft laugh, reaching up to slip his arms around Steve's neck and giving him a kiss.

"I'm a patient man, Tony Stark, but I've been wanting to take you to bed for too long a time to wait much longer," Steve said, smiling. "Unless, you're not ready?"

"Oh I'm ready, trust me," Tony said with a grin of his own.

"I'll be waiting for you then," Steve said, pulling away. "Meet you there."

"Yeah, sure," Tony said.

As soon as Steve was out of sight, he bounded back to his room at an almost embarrassing speed. Usually he didn't care so much about things like cleaning up, but he brushed his teeth and washed his face because somehow, maybe, that was helping him relax. When he emerged from the bathroom, Steve was already on his bed, flipping through some of Tony's notes.

"You know, this doesn't make a lick of sense," Steve said, looking up at him.

Tony pulled the notes out of his hand and threw them on the ground, straddling the other's waist. "This might be the only time I say this, but I don't care about the science stuff right now."

Steve crooked an eyebrow up at him. "Well don't I feel special?"

Tony smiled down at him and then moved closer so they could kiss, wiggling down onto Steve's lap until he got a soft moan for his troubles. Steve's hands roamed along his back, finally slipping down and then pushing up the fabric of his shirt to run warm hands along his spine.

"Mmm..." Tony murmured, arching into the touch and sitting back when the other moved to remove the shirt completely.

"Roll over," Steve urged, mouthing at his neck.

Tony obeyed, rolling onto his back and pulling Steve down on top of him, gasping at the feel of the solid weight settling over him, safe and protective, as it always was. "Shirt off." He slid his lips over Steve's for a brief moment, dipping in for a taste before throwing the man's white t-shirt to the floor to join his own.

Finally, he had access to that glorious chest, running his hands over the perfect, smooth flesh. None of the scars Tony had, just perfect skin. He nipped at Steve's neck, wishing for a moment he could leave a mark before moving back up to kiss him.

Steve dominated the kiss then, sliding a hand through Tony's hair and yanking his head back so he could thoroughly taste his mouth, the action making Tony twist up against him. Steve swallowed his moans before sliding down to his neck, working over his shoulders and even his arms before moving over to the reactor.

Tony swallowed thickly, coming out of his hazed lust as Steve looked up at him. It was almost like he was asking for permission to touch and explore, when he had already done so on more than one occasion. He gave a small nod, chest tight in apprehension.

Steve moved slow though, kissing first the center of the reactor before moving to the outer edge, pressing soft kisses to the skin. Tony's hips bumped up against Steve's chest as he worked, and he tried to wrap his mind around why he was becoming so aroused by such attention being lavished on the thing he had always hated to look at.

"Let's get these off, yeah?" Steve murmured against his skin, tugging at Tony's sweats.

He moved off of Tony, letting him push them off and pool at the end of the bed before crawling to lay beside the shorter, moving his mouth back to the edges of the reactor. "Touch yourself for me?"

Tony shuddered at the suggestion, deciding it was stupid to wonder why the attention to the reactor aroused him so much, instead sliding a hand down to grip his cock. He could feel Steve grin against his skin, and so he moved his other hand up to tangle Steve's hair, squeezing whenever a particularly pleasurable nip or lick made his cock jerk.

It was almost surreal, getting himself off while Steve nibbled and sucked at the reactor, his face awash in the blue glow. But Steve didn't stop there.

"So beautiful," he whispered, fingers trailing over the seam of the reactor before his teeth replaced it, biting harshly.

Tony's hips jerked up and he stroked himself a little faster, eyes squeezing tight. "S-Steve..."

"That's it Tony, come apart for me," Steve murmured, lapping at the edges of the reactor before biting down again. "You're so gorgeous like this. You're never going to look at this and think of it as an ugly thing again." He kissed the center of it before straying back out to the edges again, suckling at the flesh.

Tony keened at the touch, hips jerking up to find relief in his fist at Steve's words. It was maddening, Steve's words and his lips and his own hand, all combined to make him feel a bit like he was going to pass out. His orgasm snuck up on him, spilling into his hand and onto his stomach as he let out a breathless gasp of Steve's name.

Steve kissed him once and then moved down to swipe his tongue through the mess on his belly, licking back up to the reactor in such a filthy manner he could feel his cock trying to harden again at the sight.

"Jesus, Steve..." He palmed at the man's head, urging him back up for another kiss, tasting himself on the man's tongue. His other hand reached into the dresser and pulled out the lube, shoving it into Steve's hand to distract him from going at the reactor again. "I get it. Not gonna be ashamed of the reactor." Steve hummed happily against his mouth as he lubed up his fingers. "Now would you please just...in me?"

"Yes, Tony, yes," Steve murmured, hitching one of Tony's legs up before probing at his hole with one finger. "Going to give you what you need."

Tony tossed his head back as the finger slid inside. "Didn't take you for a dirty talker."

"Discovered some things in the army," Steve murmured against his neck, setting up a steady rhythm with the finger. "And I want you to feel as cherished as you are. I plan on overwhelming you with so much pleasure you can't see straight."

"Fuck Steve!" Tony rolled his hips down as Steve slid another finger in and began to stretch him. It was a pleasant surprise, listening to Steve whisper into his ear as he was opened up, and before long his cock was heavy against his stomach again.

Steve pulled his fingers out for a moment, cupping Tony's balls in one hand and rolling them gently. "Think you can cum without me touching this again?"

"Yes," Tony said honestly, rolling his hips down as the fingers returned, three this time. "So good, Steve..."

Steve pulled his fingers out then and moved to fit himself over Tony once more, pressing a kiss to his lips as bumped their hips together. "Got a condom?"

Tony pulled himself out of his haze long enough to look Steve in the eyes. "Don't want one. I'm clean, I know you are, we don't need it."

Steve lowered himself onto his elbows, shifting so his cock was pressed up against Tony's hole. "You sure?"

Tony rolled his hips down in answer, arching his back as the tip of the man's cock breached him. His arms wrapped around Steve's neck, clawing at his shoulders as Steve shove his hips harder against Tony's, sinking into him in one thrust. He felt like Steve had driven all his breath out of him, leaving him shuddering against the man above him.

"Good?" Steve asked, breathless against his cheek.

"Yeah, just fuck me," Tony hissed. "Come on..."

Steve groaned and slotted their lips together again, moving his hips back before giving a hard thrust back into him. Tony cried out against his mouth, curling his tongue against Steve's as the man began to thrust a bit harder into him, pushing himself up a bit. He pulled Tony's legs a bit wider, pulling the other's body onto his cock as he did so.

Tony clawed at the sheets, feeling more full than he ever had in his life. Steve was filling every inch of him, and it was maddening, so maddening. "Steve..." He reached a hand up, grasping at Steve's neck and pulling him back down for a sloppy kiss that broke off in a moan as Steve finally hit the spot inside him.

"There?" Steve asked, smirking against his lips as he rotated his hips.

"Yes, Steve, Jesus stop teasing!" Tony covered Steve's lips with his own before he could make a comeback, moaning helplessly into his mouth as Steve began to fuck into him faster.

And then he felt Steve's hand creeping up his side, over his belly, giving a teasing touch to his cock before sliding up further, covering the reactor with his hand. Tony's head hit the pillow as he gasped, feeling likes his nerves were on fire. Steve just took the opportunity to nip at his neck, sliding his fingers all over the reactor as he pushed Tony closer and closer to his climax.

It was more intense than the last one, crashing over him like a wave and making his vision blur as he arched up into Steve's grasp, groaning when Steve used the movement to press his lips to the top of the reactor and kiss at the skin. He collapsed in a boneless heap beneath Steve, and only a few thrusts later, the man was spilling inside him with warmth, hot and wet.

Panting, he wrapped his arms around the larger as he eased himself down beside Tony. Their legs tangled together even after he pulled out, and Tony began to kiss him again, slow languid kisses that helped calm his heart rate back down.

"No one's ever allowed to call you innocent again," he murmured teasingly against Steve's neck.

"No, of course not," Steve said, ducking his head to kiss him once more. "I'm going to get us cleaned up."

"Yeah, you do that," Tony said, flopping onto his back as Steve got up and got a washcloth from the bathroom.

It was weird, being taken care of in such a way, but weird in a good way. Tony liked ceding the control over to someone else, someone he could trust with his life for a change. Literally, he had to trust Steve with his life if he let the man play so much with the reactor. He flushed a bit at how pleasurable it had been. Definitely an odd kink but not something worth fighting.

Steve slipped under the covers beside him again once he was done, wrapping his arm tight around Tony and putting his hand back over the reactor. "Thank you Tony, for letting me...get to know you like this. Letting me love you and...everything."

Tony frowned at the words, not used to hearing the words 'love' and 'you' next to each other, and actually have them mean something. And he knew Steve wouldn't say it if he didn't mean it. "I can't say that you know." He wished it were different but he couldn't say something like that.

"I know, I wasn't asking you to," Steve said quietly, kissing his cheek. "But you need to know I love you. Now go to sleep. I'll be right here."

"Yeah...I know you will," Tony said. He snuggled into Steve's embrace. At least with Steve's arms around him, holding him close and protecting him, he knew he'd be safe from anything.

That was enough for now.


End file.
